Farewell

Today, I created a new blog. It’s still on WordPress, and it’s called “the name is cloie”. I made a new blog because I want to start anew. This blog will still exist, but I won’t be posting here anymore. If you want to keep up with me, follow my new blog (click here!)

 

Farewell, Siomai. This time, it’s for real.

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What If I’m Not A Fighting Maroon?

There are nights when I wonder about what my life would be like if I accepted the challenge to be an Atenean or a Thomasian. Tonight is one of those nights.

Hey, being a Fighting Maroon is a privilege, but I can’t help but imagine life in other schools. So in this blog post, I will weigh the pros and cons of studying in Ateneo and UST.

What would my life be like if I studied in the Ateneo De Manila University? Well, based on my friends’ stories, I would probably go through:

  • Katipunan traffic (since kindergarten, man)
  • tough Math (THE HORROR);
  • tough English and Literature;
  • a lot of org(s) activities;
  • the struggle of getting my QPI at 3 or above;
  • wearing my ID even if I’m not in the campus;
  • short walks when classroom hoping;
  • free cuts because of a holy mass;
  • studying AB Communications to be a teacher
  • NSTP on Saturdays; and
  • having a bloc (and all issues concerning clingy or irritating blocmates) until sophomore year.

No doubt, Ateneo is a great school. It’ll probably help me transition from a pampered high school student to a confident young adult. The problem is, Ateneo’s tuition is…demanding. It’s like taking two years in my high school for one academic year in ADMU. Sure, there are scholarships, but my family’s background may be a bit of a barrier for me to get a scholarship. My grades aren’t enough for any academic scholarship. So finances is one reason why I’m not attending college at Ateneo. Another reason is that it’s not my dream school. If I had to choose from the three schools that I passed, I won’t choose Ateneo simply because it’s not my dream school. Period.

Now, what would my life be like if I studied in the oldest extant university in Asia, the University of Santo Tomas? Well, based on the stories of my mom’s friends (some are UST alumnae and some have children who studied in the university) and not my friends (because I have no close friend in UST), I would probably go through:

  • traffic everywhere going everywhere;
  • “swimming” just to get out of school;
  • countless ghost stories;
  • uniforms;
  • seeing the same faces until I graduate; and
  • life in my original dream university in my dream course (secondary education).

UST is still part of the Big Four (UP, ADMU, DLSU, UST), but its students are often underestimated when applying for jobs where there are many competitors from the other three schools mentioned above. But I didn’t consider that when I chose to abandon my UST dream. What I considered is the fact that España Boulevard in the city of Manila is far from my house in Quezon City. No doubt, Ateneo and UP are closer to home. I was practical. Besides, I can always shift from BA Journalism to B Secondary Education once I get into UP. And hello, many tried to get into UP but failed. I succeeded, so why not take the opportunity? So I abandoned my dream of being a UST Tiger, and chose to be a Fighting Maroon.

I mentioned what would probably happen if I studied in other schools, but one thing is not for sure: would I be on a leave of absence for a whole academic year if I went to either of the two schools? Well, I guess not. Why? I feel like I would have more interaction with people in both schools. I bet there is pressure in getting into organizations, but I guess applying for orgs isn’t as tough as it is in UP. I can still be an activist in my own way in either of the schools. My life could have been better if I became a Blue Eagle or a Growling Tiger.

Every time I filed for an LOA, my mom would tell me that she thinks that not entering UP would have made my life easier. But I guess God has a plan for me in UP. I just don’t know what it is yet, but I know UP will make me a better and stronger person. Besides, I don’t need to graduate on time. I need to take my time.

Changing

They say that the only permanent thing in this world is change. Seasons change, things change, people change. It’s obvious that it happens, but we sometimes have a hard time accepting that reality, especially when it comes to people.

People change and develop throughout their whole lifetime, but there are some things that don’t change within a person. It may be their personality, their traits, their habits, their tendencies, their way of reacting to phenomena. We often wish that people’s personality, traits, and attitude towards us would never change; if they would change, they’d change for the better. But what do we mean in changing for the better: better for us, or better for them?

We naturally, forcefully, and intentionally change in almost every aspect in life. There are so many factors and stimuli for change. For example, when we age, our hair turns white; our voice deepens, our skin sags, and our memory fails us. When time passes by, some get impatient and some get more patient, others get more irritable and the rest get less irritable, we become selfish or selfless. The changes in us all depend on the chemicals in our body, our feelings and emotions, and other external factors that really affect us.

While we accept the physical changes in people, we often want to stay the same when it comes to the values and attitude of people. Why is that so?

For me, we tend to wish that people “won’t change” because we like/love the people we like/love for who they are. If any aspect of what we like/love about one person changes for the worse, we might end up hating that person. We wish to have a stable relationship with people, despite our differences. It’s already hard to accept people for their whole personhood; what more if that person would change after accepting him/her?

That’s the challenge for us today: to accept change. We have to accept that everything is changing, whether it’s for the better or for the worse. We have to accept that everything is temporary, that even people’s treatment towards us can be something that can’t be the same as it was before. After all, we are all just human – full of imperfections.

I, myself, have a hard time accepting the changes in people, especially if I’m so used to certain people treating me in a certain way. It’s hard to adjust to other people while adjusting to myself, especially that I am bipolar. I would just wish that people would understand how much I need people to be there for me all the time. People with changing attitudes towards me frustrate me a lot, and it makes me depressed and unable to perform daily tasks like going to school.

I would sometimes wish that people wouldn’t change, but I know that it’s impossible for that to happen. So, I try to accept things and people as they are – changing.

Chopped and Colored

Last Sunday, I chopped off eight to ten inches of my hair. My head felt so heavy carrying so much hair. So I decided to cut off my hair.

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I also got tired of my brown/black locks, so I asked my mom if I can dye my hair burgundy. She said yes.

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Due to poor lighting, you can’t see very well that it turned out to be red, WHICH I LOVE!

~

They say that having a makeover signifies a new beginning. Well, it is true for me. Since I filed for another leave of absence, I want to spend my time discovering my potentials outside the academic world. Also, I have resorted into burying all my burdens along with my cut hair…literally burying them. I’ll post about it soon. For now, I’m happy with my new hair, and I’m happy for my fresh start.