Run Away (no censorship here)

Sometimes, I just want to run away from all of my responsibilities. I actually share my responsibilities with other people, but I’m shouldering almost everything. I don’t know anymore. Can’t the “semestral break” come faster?

~

I participated in this fun run for two extra credit points in Science.

Together with my friends and parents, I ran for the rehabilitation of the Pasig River and for the betterment of my Science grades. We were told to be at the venue at 5am since the run will start at 6am. It rained… Our school’s cluster was able to run at 8am. So we stood there for three hours, and it took us 30 minutes to get two extra credit points. It was a really good thing that our teachers decided that we don’t need to run five kilometers to get the two points (I think). Everyone was already tired of standing up. Only a few ran… Most of us took the nearest u-turn slot near the starting/finish line because all of us were tired… TIRED I TELL YOU! Our race bibs were collected for the EC points, and while walking back tot he car, I got a cramp. OHYEAH!

So my parents kept on taking photos of us for “proof” that walked on the killer highway for the Pasig River… I love my parents.

When I got home, I was worrying about my school work. I had to cram today. I promised myself that I will not cram this year. It did not happen, and the school hasn’t even ended yet. I crammed the Science IP, and now, I’m cramming the Social written report on Medieval literature. Now, I realize that I love science more than history…

Yes, my group mates submitted outputs, but it’s as if I have to do everything again. I know that I should be doing the paper now, but I just have to let this out. I really want to run away from this task. I did this when I was absent. It’s hard to start a paper, and I was able to start it. I cited sources. I gave them sources to work on. Then they give me paragraphs this afternoon…which are not cited. Come on. This is not my only requirement to submit, guys. Do you expect me to work everything out? I AM NOT A REQUIREMENT-MAKING ROBOT. I AM 100% HUMAN AND I GET DEAD TIRED TOO. I ALSO HAVE PROBLEMS LIKE YOU.

I hate it when people in whatever section I belong to have this line in their heads when in comes to group works and me: Ay group mate naman natin si Cloie. Kaya na niya ‘yan. This line might not be in the minds of all of my group mates, but I know they are always happy when I’m their group mate (and all the other smart kids too). Then I end up doing most (or all) of the work. I HAVE A LIFE. FUCK OFF, YOU FREELOADERS. DON’T YOU EVER ABUSE MY KINDNESS AND MY ABILITIES. IF YOU DO, YOU WILL HEAR WORDS FROM MY MOUTH THAT YOU THOUGHT I’D NEVER SAY. Now, don’t question why I always want to be grouped with all the other ProEx people. We actually work together.

Yet another emotionally-driven blog post from a problematic teenager.

Kaboom: Ang Pagsabog ng Atomic Bomb na Hugis Siomai

Kasalanan ko bang ubod ng pangit ang signal ng Globe dito? Kasalanan ko bang magalit sa ‘yo kasi nagalit ka sa akin dahil sa “pagkukulang” kong replyan yung text mong HINDI KO NATANGGAP? Kasalanan ko ba kung wala akong maisagot sa iyo kasi nag-iisip pa ako? Kasalanan ko bang AKO YUNG NAGING SEATMATE MO SA ENGLISH? Kasalanan ko bang nairita ako noong tinatanong mo ako noong Chem kasi ABSENT AKO KAHAPON?!? At kasalanan ko bang mairita sa ‘yo kasi lagi mo nalang ikinukuwento sa akin yung tungkol sa pagkakaroon ng boyfriend ng Science teacher natin? CONFIRMED NA BA GURL?!? AT KAILANGAN BA TALAGANG ITANONG SA AKIN KUNG ANONG ORAS UUWI SI (insert teacher’s name here) AT KUNG MAY BOYFRIEND SIYA AT KUNG BAKIT SIYA ABSENT?!? DO YOU EXPECT ME TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HER KASI “CLOSE” KAMI?!? Kasalanan ko bang naiirita ako sa ‘yo at gustong-gusto na kitang ipaanod sa Ilog Pasig na tulad ng pag-anod ng bangkay ni Don Rafael Ibarra sa Noli Me Tangere? KASALANAN KO BA?

Umiiyak nanaman ako habang gumagawa ng iskrip para sa presentasyon namin sa Filipino sa Martes. Ito yung isa sa mga rare na pagkakataon na gusto kong kumuha ng patalim at maglaslas. Alam kong masama iyon, kaya lang parang wala namang pagkakataon na masaya ako. Parang robot na katulong, encyclopedia, dictionary, history book, textbook sa Science, Google at (ang hindi kapani-paniwalang) Wikipedia lang naman ang tingin ng lahat ng tao sa ‘kin. Bakit pa ba ako nabubuhay? Hindi naman ako tanga. Hindi rin ako manhid. Iniisip ko rin yung kapakanan ng iba, pero bakit ayaw ninyo akong tantanan?

Sige na nga. Ako na yung mali. Ako na yung walang pakialam. Ako na yung ignorante. Ako na yung bobo. Ako na yung tanga. Ako na yung masama. Ako na yung iritable. Ako na yung nakakairita. Ako na yung makasalanan. Ako na yung makasarili. Ako na yung mababaw. Ako nalang lahat ng masamang bagay sa mundong ito.

Hindi ako ang nag-ayos ng seat plan. Hindi ko rin ginustong maging seatmate mo. Hindi ko rin piniling maging anak mo. Kaya kung puwede lang, piliin mo nalang yung mga salita mo at ang paraan ng pagsasalita mo. Hindi ako bato.

This Sucks

Don’t you hate it when you have to miss school just because your stomach is aching so bad?

~

I hate having a weak stomach. One cup of Milo during lunch has defeated me. It’s Wednesday, and I have Science, Math, Filipino, Christian Life, Spanish and a club report. Although I don’t know what will happen in Spanish, but Science and Math! Missing one day in high school is like missing a month in grade school! I do not have my books with me today.      -_-

I do have to accomplish our Social written report (and maybe some leisure reading and recording…nyehehe), but I’d rather go to school. Maybe my body needs the rest (my knee has been aching lately… I Gangnam too much!), but I want to learn in school today! I want to spend my time climbing stairs, setting up the projector, kind of getting annoyed with my new seatmate (I have two people beside me this time… and one of them is my friend yay for Bianca!), walking around school, bugging friends and teachers, staying late in the library and other stuff. It’s really boring in the house. I tend to write and surf the Internet instead of doing the report. But I tell you, I will be productive! If I can do a three-page investigatory project in five hours, I can do this report!

~      ~      ~

I got minus two in the IP paper… My only deductions came from my sentence structure. I wasn’t able to ask my questions because all I did was to get disappointed at myself because I got deductions because of sentence structure. SENTENCE STRUCTURE, AND I’M IN POEE MY GULAY! This is just… *major facepalm* But at least those were my only deductions! 88/90 is really high for a crammed IP.

The thing is, my group mates got the same grade as I did. This is unfair. Maybe I should be really honest in giving peer and self evaluation grades next time… I don’t like failing people, but I learned that I should fail people because they should be failed. They tell me “I don’t have time” or they don’t tell me anything at all. I am a very busy and a loca-loca koala, and I think that I don’t need to remind them about the IP everyday. They tell me they don’t have the time… Guess what, I don’t have the time as well. It’s just that I made time. I did make a mistake: I didn’t manage my time well for the IP. So, I did the IP in one sitting, but I wasn’t able to study well for the Science and Social Studies forms. I passed both forms, but I did not reach my target scores. Like for Social, my target was 85, and I got 84/100. I aimed for 45 in Science, and I got 41 (with two additional points and one deduction… my original score was 40/50). Maybe that’s what I get for cramming the IP, but this isn’t just. I just let them copy the needed info from the books and I did the whole thing, and we all get 97/100.

^I am a bad group mate. Sometimes, I shoulder everything (this usually happens in Science…like yesterday in the laboratory!). Sometimes, I do too less. Well, it depends on who I’m with… Well, I can’t always work with my friends.

This sucks… Now I have to do the written report. Walang takas. Lahat ng oras, na sa akin na.

~      ~      ~

If my time and voice permit me, I will do a cover of this song… I listened to the Glee version of this song and for some reason, I really want to sing this. Hmm…    Why am I singing this song?

A Song for You

*This is a very rare post about “love”. Enjoy it; it may be the last.*

Everyday, I look for a song for you, but I never find any song out of the 2,400 songs I have in iTunes. I have difficulty in searching for guitar chords in the Internet so that I could record a cover dedicated to you. Not even “A Song for You” by The Carpenters can be my song for you. I really want to sing you a song… I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT SONG TO SING!

I’ve always wanted to write songs… I’ve already written two, and none of them are good for you to hear (I was young then so yeah). I wrote about love even without an inspiration… Hmm maybe that’s why my songs suck. Now that I have you, I STILL CAN’T WRITE A SONG!

Maybe it’s because I’m not fond of poetry… Or I lack experience… Or I’m hiding things…

I want to tell you how much I like you, but I don’t want to tell you at the same time. I want you to know so bad; so bad that I eng up imagining this everyday: one day, we were walking in the park and you slipped your hand in mine and told me that you love me and you want to be with me forever. But what if you would never slip your hand in mine? This is why I don’t want to tell you: everything will be on the line. I don’t want to jeopardize whatever we have right now, but…

I can’t write songs because I’m not like those fearless songwriters who let the whole world know that s/he loves this person because like this, like that. Well, I also lack the gift of playing with words beautifully in poetry. Oh, and I kind of lack in the musicality part (not the singing). But despite these hindrances, I will still write a song for you… I just don’t know if I’ll sing it to you.

I know that you may or may not slip your hand into mine, but how will I know if I won’t try and find out? Confessing to someone that you like him/her is so hard (according to those who have experience), but keeping everything to oneself will not do anything (unless the person you like likes you back and s/he makes the first move). It’s just… See? I can’t even complete my sentences. IT’S COMPLICATED! THERE YOU GO!

Still, I will write you a song. Maybe the time will come that you will hear that song and you’ll realize that the song was actually written for you. Maybe after hearing that song, you’d go to me and hug me and tell me that you feel the same way. Maybe. Just maybe.

Forgive me, for I have digressed too much in this blog post. And this is a pretty shallow and sabaw post, so forgive me. I cannot contain my feelings!