What does it feel like to lose? Well, it hurts, that’s for sure. All your time, effort, maybe your whole self – put to waste. Every little thing that you gave up tor that one thing are gone. It’s like everything’s back to zero, except for memories. Yes, memories are priceless, but wouldn’t it be nice if you’d be making more beautiful memories if you didn’t lose that one person that you consider to be someone important to you?
I do not have a biological sister (and I really want one…not a brother) and I technically grew up with my cousins. I considered all of them as my siblings. Yet, they tested me. They failed me. I never learned to trust them well enough again. I had neighbors, and we all left our home village. Now, it’s like nothing. I love them as my own family, then everything was *poof* gone. Broken, I went on with life. I found solace in those people who were once strangers to me. Problem: what if the people who you now trust test you?
I’ve had a rough childhood, despite all those toys and high grades. If there is one thing that I want to redo, it would be my whole childhood. I felt lonely when I was a kid, despite all the people around me. I had no sense of self. I was intelligent, but I knew so little, and that innocence led me to so much pain. I was broken. Thanks to you and all of my friends, I felt that I was patched up. I felt alive and new. I became confident and independent. I felt stronger. And now, this bullshit.
Up to this day, I still don’t know why I talked to you in the first place. I didn’t even like you. It was just because of my randomness that we became friends, or that’s the way I put it. Then we talked and talked until we “grew close” just like what normal people would do. I don’t know; maybe it was only me who felt that way. But no: you asked me to wait for you, you would allow me to talk to you for an hour, you even hugged me twice in a single day. You would allow me to tell you stuff, and those stuff I don’t really tell other people (even the most trusted people in my life). You made me feel that I found a friend and a sister in you, and you know that well.
I’m not asking you to see me as your sister as well. It’s just that see the distance? It’s getting bigger everyday. I swear, I’m not asking you to see me as a close friend, but please… Tell me in a not-so-sudden way. It’s like you’ve suddenly lost interest in chocolate ice cream, and I’m doing what I can to make you like it again. Or am I just overreacting or assuming too much?
Look, I’m sorry for being so clingy in a way for writing this post. It’s just that I don’t want to lose people whom I thought were special to me again. I lost my cousins. I lost my neighbors. I lost Renee, Camille and Jeera. I lost Noelle. Am I still going to lose you? I can’t lose you. I don’t want to lose you. Masakit eh. Sobra. Now, I think I’m losing myself.
By the way, here’s a song for you: http://soundcloud.com/closio17/torn-cover
And I haven’t done my cover of Everytime. So watch this instead. Yeah that’s for you too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YzabSdk7ZA