Infanzia

December 29 – I went back to being a kid, complete with all the abrasions because of playing. It was fun, except for that abrasion.

My little cousins and I went to Fun Ranch in Pasig (near Tiendesitas) for a little fun. I really wasn’t expecting myself to play with the little ones in Fun Ranch’s gigantic indoor playground. I bought slippery socks (and when I say slippery, it’s REALLY  slippery) and followed my little cousins around. When little Miel wanted to go down the spiral tube slide, I joined her. Well, this is where the abrasion comes in. As we went down the slide, my left knee was rubbing the slide walls the whole trip down. When I got out, it became so painful. I saw bits of skin standing out and the area was starting to redden. I sat down and stared at my abrasion, thinking that it’s a burn. My aunt gives me a bandage, and I didn’t play again. That, I think, was the one thing that I did that wasn’t childlike.

I enjoyed almost all activities in Fun Ranch. It was… woah I wish we had Fun Ranch 10 years ago! I had so much fun with the kiddies. Then mom took us all to Eastwood and we ate at Johnny Rockets. I ordered a Vanilla Milkshake teaser. Best milkshake eveeer! The waiter on OJT (I think his name’s Peter) was such a cutie! He was literally cute and he was really warm towards us, especially to my little loves. MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE HE’S GAY!  Anyway, spaghetti, burger, fries, milkshake… Those were what I ate. Those were my favorite nomnoms ten years ago… 😀 We went home, and I cleaned my abrasion. I thought it was a burn so I applied burn ointment. I Google-ed… Abrasion. I removed the ointment, washed my wound and applied Betadine. I was in serious pain, but all is well.

I checked my Gmail, and I was shocked with all of my mail. I wanted to throw the laptop and throw a tantrum. I was really acting childlike. I wanted to cry like how Miel cried when they left our car (she’s that clingy). I wanted to go back to those days when the hardest problem to face was how to go out of the house to play with my friends (like, thinking of a reason to tell mom so that she could allow me). I met my childhood best friend Audrey on the 28th, and we just wanted to go back to childhood. We dislike the complicated world that we know now.

Whatever happened to us all? We were all kids before. We were so innocent, so pure, so simple, so good, so honest. What corrupted our minds? What made us lie, cheat, desire for too many material possessions, sin, and absorb all the evils of the word? Answer: growing up and thinking that children are so naive and shallow. Thus, a world of deepness and complexity. What happened to the joy of being a kid?

12-25-2012

My aunt handed me a small paper bag from Silverworks, saying “Oh hindi ito pang Christmas ha. Ah, year-end bonus lang ‘to.” A few hours later, her husband goes to me and hands me an angpao with Php2000 in it. I said thanks to both, but I was a bit “weird-ed” out. They are Jehovah’s Witnesses. They don’t celebrate Christmas. Well, maybe they handed me stuff because they were both Catholics before converting. Maybe because they were rich. Maybe because most of the family members were Catholics. Or maybe, they were “celebrating” Christmas with us. But what does Christmas mean anyway?

~

December 25, 2012 – 12am. We turned on the TV. Sakto, sa channel 2, may misa. After the TV mass, my parents gave my brother and I got our present from our parents: external hard drives. FINALLY EXTERNAL HARD DRIVES! My brother and I returned to out room (yes we share a room) and he handed me a gift bag from The Gift Factory and it contained a stuffed koala. I thought to myself: THIS IS THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER! We went to sleep at 2 am, hoping for a bright day ahead.

We woke up and daddy had a fever. It was only my mom, my brother and I who went to mass; dad attended the TV mass in the morning. When we came back, I took Kola the Koala (my koala hat) and my new stuffed toy (still does not have a name), rode the car and went to Nanay’s (my mom’s mom) house in Valenzuela. I got a planner and colored pens from my mom’s sisters, and I feasted with my family. Later on, Tatay (mom’s dad) came, and everything went kinda ugly. He said that he wanted to change his life; he wanted to break-up with his mistress and go back to Nanay’s house. Mom, as the most outspoken and the fiercest daughter (don’t forget the closest daughter to Tatay), told him to think it out. They have forgiven him, but to go back to Nanay’s house is different. I didn’t really eavesdrop that much because I was busy doodling on my new planner that has no dates on it. Deep down, I was like “Really Tatay… Really Mom… Really…”

We left after 30 minutes and headed to my Lola’s (dad’s mom) house in Malabon. In there, I didn’t really feel the Christmas spirit. Maybe because the people there are influenced by my relatives who are Jehovah’s Witnesses. My nieces did make me happy via their cuteness, especially Hilary… WHAT A CUTIE! More food (and more sweets…hmmm bad for my sore throat but it’s Christmas!) and some “bonding”. Then my aunt and uncle gave me what they gave me, and I had fun with Kola. Then my eldest niece (she’s about 21… YES 21) left for her house and left her daughter (YES I HAVE A GRANDCHILD) with my Lola. Then, her great grandfather (my uncle) and my aunt (the same aunt that gave me the small paper bag) kind of interrogated my granddaughter. They told her that lying is bad, and I could see the child’s confusion in her face. Her mom was really up to something, and my dad’s siblings thought that my niece got her daughter’s Christmas money (worth Php1500) since my granddaughter only bought cheep stuff, yet all she had left was Php400. The child told them that her mom did buy clothes for her two siblings, but my uncle saw nothing. The drama ended there, and I got bored.

We left at 10:30, and my parents and I were talking about the upcoming clan reunions in dad’s side of the family. They asked me if I was going to sing for the two reunions. I said that I’m not sure, but my tone gave them my exact thought: I don’t want to. They gave that short “you should share your talents” talk, but I explained why I don’t want to sing:

  1. It’s like no one appreciates it… Especially in dad’s dad’s side. The Sioson family is full of good singers (which means way better than me), so why would I make a mess of myself there? The Tapang side (dad’s mom’s side) are dancers… They really don’t appreciate my singing, the way I see their reactions to my past performances. I’m sorry if I can’t dance so well.
  2. I’m sure that the songs that I like singing wouldn’t be liked by my relatives. Come on, would they appreciate “I Knew You Were Trouble.” when they haven’t heard it? My mom told me to choose my songs according to my audience, but she also told me to introduce myself to my relatives. Well, can’t I introduce myself through my songs?
  3. Lastly, I don’t like being forced to sing. Period. I think that encapsulates everything.

I shut up during the whole trip, and my parents were talking about my eldest niece. Poor her. I really pity her. She doesn’t want to go to her mom in Italy… She found love in a very hopeless place, and she remains hopeless.

~

What does Christmas mean? Even with all the religious whatevers in my whole life, I still don’t know what Christmas is. Is it a time to make people happy? Is it a time to bond with your family? Is it a time of acceptance and forgiving? Is it a time to give back to those who gave us so much? Or is it a time to thank God for the gift of Jesus? I honestly do not understand why all of these grandness (is there is a word) is happening when Jesus was pretty much in a state of poverty when He was born. I don’t get the aguinaldo thing… You know, when the kids go to their godparents’ houses and the godparents give them money. It’s teaching the kids materialism. I mean it’s good to give, but if the kids don’t get anything, they’ll be mad. And it’s as if that that is the only role of godparents: tagabigay ng aguinaldo.

Well, it’s tradition. It’s hard to bend tradition, but people should understand why we have such traditions.

ANOTHER SABAW POST YAY!

To Read = To Learn

As a kid, I wasn’t a book lover. All I read were my thin books back when I was so little and my text books. I got interested in reading when I was about to turn 14, thanks to those good books that I’ve read because of book reports. Thank God for Reading class for requiring me to read Number the Stars, To Kill a Mockingbird, and another book that I forgot… High school came, and more books came. Little Women, The Joy Luck Club, Nectar in a Sieve, Animal Farm, The Awakening, Shakespeare’s works and Oedipus Rex. We haven’t taken up Wuthering Heights yet, but I bet that book will teach me something. I also read Ilustrado for my upcoming literary criticism paper. These books have been a pain in the BRAIN (yes brain) to read, and some of them were boring (well, only one), but they taught me a lot.

Little Women (1st year) taught me to stay strong, love your family with your everything, and pursue your heart’s desire… Everything, even love, will follow. Amy, Beth, Meg and Jo March…oh how I love Jo March. And I loved the movie as well!

The Joy Luck Club (2nd year)… I love every bit of it. I loved the movie too! I LOVE AMY TAN SO MUCH ALL MY FEELS :((( It really taught me a lot in life. It strengthened me so much, and yes all the feminism here… :(( EMPOWERED WOMEN HERE WAZZUP WAZZUP!

Nectar in a Sieve (2nd year) made me weep. WEEP, I TELL YOU, WEEP. Rukmani’s dedication to her family is just…ineffable. I love a woman like her. So dedicated to what she has. Of course, it’s not ideal for me to just work for my family, but I have to use a different perspective. Either way, I love the book so much. It made me realize that joy and sorrow always go together. It showed me reality.

Animal Farm (3rd year) is the best fable (if it is a fable) I have ever read! Imagine, animals starting a rebellion! I was a bit saddened by the ending though, but man all the Marxism there. I was awoken by the book. I realized how animal-like people are. It was really fun to read. Beasts of England! 😀

The Awakening (2nd year) was the boring book, but all the feminism there is just so… Man it was boring to read, but I want to read it again. Edna may seem so selfish (to the extent of drowning herself), but he had every right to be selfish. All her life, she has been living for others. She had to live for herself. For me, she is empowered (but I really hate the part when she drowns herself). I was awakened by The Awakening. Thank you, Kate Chopin.

Shakespeare… Romeo and Juliet (1st year), I think, is better than The Taming of the Shrew (2nd year). Even if R&J, as we would call it, is so heavy and so -.-, I disliked the concept of Taming. But even if Taming didn’t please me, it brought out all the feminism in me. R&J taught me that love makes the world go around. And yes, it did not teach me to be a hopeless romantic. 🙂 I wonder what Julius Caesar will bring me next year. 🙂

Oedipus Rex (3rd year)… What a tragedy. Sophocles must have gone through something while writing this. Oedipus… What did it teach me? Well, even if you are destined to be something, you still choose which road to take. Your destiny relies on your free will.

Ilustrado (for my literary criticism paper) is one of the very few books by Filipino authors that I have read. So far, this is one of the best books that I have ever read in my entire life. Not only did I learn about politics, my country and different cultures, but I also learned how to find myself and be it. The fictional Miguel Syjuco took me everywhere with him, and it was a fun ride. It also made my love for writing and my dream of being a journalist be so alive. Syjuco… What a brilliant bastard (as how I saw him in some parts of the book).

I am currently reading Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom. The movie made me cry, but the book is making me cry and learn. I am loving this book so much. I am learning from this book. It was a good thing that this was te random book that I got from my bookshelf. I needed to read it so bad. I needed the help.

~

So why do I read? I don’t read so that I could be entertained. I read so that I could learn. I don’t just read those young adult fiction novels by John Green or David Levithan. I don’t really read Nicholas Sparks (although I’ve read A Walk to Remember, The Notebook and The Last Song…btw, nice books 😀 I love A Walk to Remember). I read classics, because they’re classics for a reason. Although I plan on reading for “mainstream” and contemporary works, I’d still chose classics over the new ones. I dunno. Maybe I’m attached to not-so-love stories, as I call them. And again, there must be something in those books that made them classics. Maybe important lessons in life. Yeah, maybe that.

 

Waaaaaah what a sabaw post. =)))

My Not-So Year-End Blog Post

I am supposed to be doing my English and Social Studies extra credit tasks right now, but I have decided to go back in time. It’s only the 22nd of December, but I feel like having a flashback. What happened to me this year?

 

January – I spent January 1 on a beach in Zambales with my paternal extended family. It was pretty boring, since some relative are Jehovah’s Witnesses. I went back to school and made three birthday cards for my friends and Miss Kaye. I also had a haircut. I had bangs… And I failed the first Math quiz of the year.

February – BEST GIRLS AT THE CENTER WEEK EVER! Well, I really can’t say that since this school year’s Girls at the Center week is not until next year. I think this is the month when I saw our Math culminating task in the 2nd quarter in the Math exhibit during the Science and Math Exposition.

March – Good bye, second year. I had a blast during Freakshow and I met Kelvin. I started missing a lot of people. Also, good bye Nokia C6. Thank you, Miss Alie, for your attempts to throw my phone for me.

April – Boracay… I got sick in Boracay. Worst vacation ever. And don’t forget the trip to Tagaytay that I didn’t go to and dad got mad at me for “not socializing with my cousins”. I got mad at him for being the biggest hypocrite in the world. I was suffering with my temporary phone. I had no one to talk to.

May – I still had no one to talk to… I would never forget that Seminar on Student-Centered Learning. I got a new phone, and I had a blast in Baguio with two of my paternal cousins (then three added).

June – HELLO THIRD YEAR! Meh I really wanted new teachers, but I am REALLY HAPPY with my teachers. And yes I turned 16… AND NOTHING IS SWEET ABOUT IT! Meh I will post a “16 was never sweet” post when my 17th birthday comes. :))

July – I can’t remember anything in July… I really can’t. 😐 Yung flame test lang… Mehehe…

August FUN RETREAT! This is where all the stress began (Speechfest, classmates, relationships). Emotional roller coaster ride part 2 starts here. And yeah I took the National Career Assessment Exam.

September – Speechfest… We got a low score. We passed, but uuuh it was low. The first term ended well. 🙂 Second term came in and oh my God I hated my seatmate in POEE. I HATE HER! Life lessons from Sir McNaicol Anthony B. Nuestro… ❤

October – Bad vibes, except for those A+s in Chem and CL. 😀 Hehe I took the Philippine Aptitude Classification Test (PACT) and the Philippine Occupational Interest Survey. This is the month when I started misspelling my name. Thank you, chlorine. I got second honors and the distinguished student of the term award for the first term. 🙂 Semestral break… 🙂

November – Semestral break… 🙂 I love you, Patricia Bonayon. This is the month when I realized that I am falling to pieces because of one person. FIELD TRIP! FERAS! I kept on throwing up… I attempted to kill myself.

December – Broken as even. COLD DECEMBER NIGHTS, AND WE DON’T HAVE SNOW IN THE PHILIPPINES! AND YES THE RH BILL PASSED IN CONGRESS AND SENATE AND BICAMERAL COMMITTEE! And yeah, broken as ever.

 

December hasn’t ended yet… I will post soon.