Original plan for April 19, 2013 as of April 15, 2013: go to SM Marikina at 3pm to hang out with Sofia, Renee, Kelvin and Jerez.
Revised plan for April 19, 2013 as of April 18, 2013 at 5pm: meet up with Rayahnna and Erika at Ateneo at 12pm, go to SM Marikina with Kelvin and Jerez at 3pm (but Jerez will leave at 5pm).
Revised plan for April 19, 2013 as of April 18, 2013 at 9pm: meet up with Rayahnna and Erika at Ateneo at 12pm. Mom will pick me up at Gonzaga Hall at 2:30 since Rayahnna has practice at 2:30.
What happened to the plan for April 19, 2013: Erika and I got to Ateneo at 12:30 and Rayahnna had practice at 2pm and Erika had to go to the high school. Mom told me to wait for her in Ateneo but I suggested that I’ll be fetched at the nearby Regis Center. I also told her that I have someone to go with me. I told my friends that I’ll go there via a tricycle. I went to Regis on foot all alone under the blazing heat of the sun…without an umbrella. I bought Magnum in Ateneo, a book, an overpriced pen (it had a panda and a big K on it!) and frozen yogurt…a total of 640 pesos (and yay I have 360 pesos left). I got fetched at 3:30 and mom and I headed straight to the city hall to do some business tax whatevers.
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What an obedient child. What a good friend. Well, I do want to explore the world! How can I go to college in UP if I don’t know how to commute going there? Or practically anywhere not in Malabon? Because apparently, it’s only in Malabon wherein I exercise my freedom. No wonder my brother loves staying there.
You know what they say about the children of overprotective parents – that those kids tend to be rebels? Well, the one who said that definitely did not lie. I’m starting to be a rebel, and my brother has been quite a rebel too. When I was young, I never thought that I’d be a rebel. I never imagined myself “breaking rules”. I always thought that I will just obey whatever mommy and daddy say. The thing is, I grew up and I studied in my school (and I thank my school so much for teaching me to believe in what I want to believe in and that I should say something).
I’m not the “I won’t study and all I wanna do is to drink, smoke, party, take drugs and have sex with everyone” rebel. I’m the “I will go out of the premises of *insert name of place* and I will walk to *insert name of place* under the blazing heat of the sun without telling mom how I got to my destination” rebel. I’m the “maybe I’ll just go online the whole day and not study” kind of rebel. I’m the “we share the same religion but not the same beliefs about our religion and I don’t think that your reasoning is logical” rebel. I’m not the “typical badass rebel”.
Most of the “big time rebels” (I mean the rebels that are not like me…I mean the party rebels) have parents that really don’t have time for them. Most rebels like me have parents who are so overprotective of their children. Like, come on. I’m graduating from high school next year and I’m still not allowed to go out of school alone. What will happen to me in college?
Why am I like this? Honestly, I feel like my freedom is suppressed by my parents. I am 16 and I have a mind of my own. I’m not a little girl anymore (well, I’ve always been a big girl…as in literally big). I know I’m still a minor and maybe some of you might think that I should be reacting like this when I’m already 18. Well, I don’t know anymore! Whenever we cross the street as a family, my parents would always want me and my brother in between them. Come on, we’re teenagers who know how to cross the street. We’re not that dumb. That’s why we’re studying in such good schools.
I get it, my parents want the best for me – but is it really the best for me? Not going out and seeing the world? High school is a preparation for college, but not just academically. The way I see it, the whole time that a student is in high school, s/he must start to learn about life…one must learn some street smarts because one needs that in college. Daig ang matalino ng magaling. Now, one cannot learn street smarts in the classroom. Well, maybe yes for a few, but one must experience it.
I know that they want me and my brother to be safe always. I know that they don’t want us to learn things the hard way (like learning to be careful with our things especially in public because we got robbed or whatever). I know that they want me to save it for the man I will marry. I know that they don’t want us to spend so much money on things that just make us plain happy (I mean, for just that reason). I know that we are their children, but we’re growing up now. There will come a time when my brother and I have to go out to the world. I hope my parents realize that soon. I’m turning 17 in less that two months for goodness’ sake! I’m not a baby anymore! I want to go out and have fun with my friends! I want to explore the metro! I want to experience how to commute! Even just to commute! I want to see the lives of modern-day Filipinos by experiencing it, and not by just seeing it from the car window or by reading some stories. My parents theirselves were kids who knew loads of street smarts back in their teenage years, especially my mom.
Yes my mom does allow me to go out with friends in malls and to go to events, but that is not the world that I want to explore. I also hate being late or not coming to gimmicks because of transportation problems. I hate not knowing stuff. I want to learn stuff on my own! Because if I don’t learn alone, I may not learn the things that I need to know.
I want to go out, but every time I attempt to “escape”, my conscience kills me. I know that mom and dad would scold me so much for walking from Ateneo to Regis Center even if I did not set foot on the road called Katipunan. I know the rules, but some are just illogical to me. I want to break those rules, but I don’t want to break my parents’ hearts and trust. But hey, I have a heart too – a heart that wants to LEARN. Sometimes, I already think that the rules that they set tell me that I am not capable of going out to the world. Sometimes, I think that they don’t trust me enough. With my dark past, I think I know how to be careful, especially with boys (that’s why I had to break his heart because I can’t go out with him alone on the 19th). I know that I shouldn’t make eye contact with strangers when out and that I shouldn’t bring a large amount of money when going out. I know that when someone points a gun or a knife at me, I should do everything to stay alive. I have a freaking brain, so why can’t my parents let me use my brain outside academics?
I don’t want to break their hearts and their trust in me, but they have to teach me and trust me very soon. I just wish that they would stop being so overprotective. I know that they care, but this is already hindering my growth as a normal person in the outside world. How can I be ready for the cruel world of they don’t let me see it?