I was looking through the psychology and self-help books section at Fully Booked Katipunan earlier, hoping to find a book that could help me with my problem. I found books that seem to be good ones, but I didn’t have enough money to buy even just one book. I found this book called “NLP for Writers”. I just had to jot the book details down because I want it soon. Kelvin suddenly surprised me from behind. I stopped looking at the psychology books and stpped worrying for a while. It’s not always that I see my baby, so might as well spend my time with him. But the moment I got home, it was as if everything was tough again.

Seeking for professional help is pretty hard for me, but when I got to talk to the psychiatrist, I told her everything as if she was my best friend. I had to let things out, and she gave me answers…though they’re pretty scientific. Again, I had to remind myself that I was talking to a doctor and not just a guidance counsellor. I found out that my accumulated stress has affected my brain so much…to the point that the doctor wants me to take an anti-depressant to help my brain get back to normal, along with counselling.

Everything that’s going on with me’s related to the high stress levels: weird sleeping and eating patterns, extreme mood swings, loss of interest in hobbies (that explains why I write less), loss of focus, duller memory, shorter temper, hypertension, high cholesterol levels, mild fatty liver… No wonder things weren’t the same as before, and everything’s getting worse. My whole body is stressed out, then the depression from everything that came with the injury came in. I started to get low grades (I got a freaking C in Math…good bye graduation honors), and the greatest depression I ever felt kicked in. To be honest, I’m still pretty depressed. I guess I never really recovered from my past issues. Had I known that everything’s affecting my brain so much, I would’ve just let things pass by.

No one lives without stress, but I think I’ve had too much of it at this stage. Well, I guess I need to go through all of these…maybe God’s telling me something. That aside, this is why I think every child should have a psychologist. Some kids just take their own lives, because they couldn’t handle things anymore. I almost became one of those kids, and I’m really happy that I didn’t become one of them. I realized that there’s more to life than what I have now. I guess I just fix things up.

Everything will turn out to be well… I just have to make things happen.




Things never turn out to be the way we want them to be.

My friends and I are somehow tactless, but we seldom take things seriously when we talk, since we all know that we’re not serious. For the past two weeks, nothing has been the same.

It all started when my Z Gurlz saw me in school. I’ve been “home schooled” for the past two months, so going to school was such a big thing for me (I never posted about that…I didn’t feel like doing it. Though I started to write about it, I never finished it. Apparently, there’s a psychological reason why I haven;t been posting lately, and I wish to talk about it soon). So I saw them about two Fridays ago, and everything was well, until Lyn laughed and Trish made a comment about her laugh. Trish said it sounded like a granny’s laughed, and we all went along with the joke. Even Lyn laughed along. To be honest, Lyn’s laugh is cute, but it did kinda sound like a granny’s laugh.

In the evening, Lyn had a tweeting spree on how irritated she was with Trish’s comment, and it’s like she’s trashing whatever friendship they have just because of that damn comment. Of course, the whole group is affected. Come the next weekend, Lyn hits on me, and I did nothing. She even hit on my visit to a doctor! I mean, what is her problem? I tried to reach out, but she was plain plastic, and I didn’t believe what she said.

Though I know I’ll get hurt when I check her Twitter, I still do it. I want to know what’s wrong, and I want to fix things. I’ve been in this situation with Lyn three years ago, and we fixed it. This time, I don’t know anymore. We’ve been friends since the fifth grade! I don’t want tho throw away everything that we have.

They say high school is full of friends…all types of them. Well, it’s true.