I Was Not Informed

Ask, and you’ll survive in UP, they said.

You just have to know who to ask.

Once you’ve done that, you’re good.

Just know who to ask.

And you shall live without shame.


And you shall not be put to shame.



One hour away from my home in Quezon City is the city of ParaƱaque. Yesterday, my family and I travelled to the far away city to visit my aunt (mom’s cousin) who invited us for lunch. I looked forward to the lunch because I knew that I will get to know some stories of the family. I did get to know some more of the stories of the family, but that did not complete my visit. Not even the the delicious cup of decaffeinated cappuccino gave me the joy that would last a day. What gave me the happiness that I’ve been longing for four days was playing with my five year old cousin. Yes, children give me so much joy, too much that I cannot contain it. Yesterday, I realized that I really love kids, no matter what age or condition.

I love kids. If only I am capable, old enough and financially ready for kids, I’d love to have kids now. That’s how I love the youngsters. I love writing, but my passion for making sure that the kids around me are happy is just…wow. Whenever I see an infant, toddler, or young child, my heart leaps. I just love the presence of children, especially my younger cousins.

I play with all my younger cousins, but dealing with Yanna was very different. Yanna, my dear five year old cousin, is not like most five year olds. She has Down Syndrome. I thought dealing with her would be so hard, but I was wrong. Of course, language became a barrier for us, due to the speech delay that she has. But we were able to have a lot of fun yesterday. I was amazed at how brilliant she was. She knows how and where to fix her toys, and she knows how to play and share with other kids. Some five year olds can’t do that! I just couldn’t understand what she was saying, but we went along playing and coloring well. We had fun playing catch and shooting baskets. She was also so happy to find out that I love Frozen! She couldn’t sing and act out the scenes in the movie when I started singing. She was just too happy!

Like Yanna, I was happy that I saw how well my cousin was doing, even if she had Down Syndrome. I saw how brilliant she was! My aunt’s stories about her left me in awe. She is a brilliant kid. I couldn’t get over how good she is.

I’m always in awe with kids. I just love how they are. That’s why I want to dedicate my life to the welfare of children. I want to be a pre-school teacher, but once I have children, I’d give up my job for them. Other feminists might boo on that, but as a feminist, I believe that women should do what they want. Taking care of my future kids is what I want. Besides, I can work while taking care of my kids! I’d like to publish a book about good parenting, so maybe I can work on that. And if I can manage, I’d like to establish a small pre-school or a tutorial center. Big dreams, aren’t they? Well, I’m here to dream.

I’d love to mold the future of our country to be good and well-mannered children, just how I was molded to be a fine young woman. I wish to achieve my dream, and one day, help the children of the future to reach theirs.

Moving On

By accident, I clicked on a link that would lead me to his Facebook timeline. I was scared to feel hurt; I was scared to cry. But as I browsed through his photos, I felt, well, quite normal. It was as if nothing happened.

This is not the first time that this happened, yet I still feel scared every time I do this. Believe it or not, I intentionally click on the link every time I did it in the past. Why? I wanted to know if I have really moved on. And all I can say is this: yes, I have moved on.

Erasing something from your past is impossible, even if you have amnesia or any other memory-related condition. Something can never be undone, even if you keep on covering it up. Your dark and painful past is hard to forget, but I didn’t realize that you can choose to remember the past but forget the pain until today.

He took my innocence, my confidence, my pride, my being. And yet, I look at him, feeling no pain. Maybe I feel indifferent, but that’s alright. At least now I don’t want him to rot in hell. I even wish him well.

See how time heals? I sought no help, only listening ears. Recovering from molestation and attempted rape is burdensome, but I got through it. Though its effects are here to stay, I can see that I have moved on.

Now, if you think that it’s the end of the world, look around you. You’ll see people who have problems that are a million times bigger than yours. But look at them, still fighting. You can always surpass it and move on. Just believe in yourself.