Attention

I grew up fine, but then I started to become an attention seeker.

For some reason, I’ve become an attention seeker. I guess it’s brought up by jealousy. See, I can be a jealous girlfriend to everybody, even to myself. I easily get jealous of my school mates, to be really honest. I may seem like the perfect student in high school, but I was really envious of my classmates who seemed to have better and grander lives.

I would always wish to be a little more fortunate in every aspect of my life. I don’t know if this is brought by my depression, but I would always wish for more Twitter/Instagram followers, more money in my savings account, my own ATM/credit card, more terms in my word bank, more time for TV shows, more tasteful music in my iTunes/Spotify library, more faith, more knowledge of myself, more confidence. I would always want more. I’m never contented.

So now, I feel like I need more attention, and more friends too. I feel like I’m being ignored by the world. It’s like I’m invisible! I hate being invisible.

I guess it’s all a part of my condition. I just hope that I don’t stay like this forever.

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Welcome to college

The struggle is real.

I am in the middle of a struggle in understanding my readings for history and geography. I am also in the middle of a struggle in convincing myself to read my readings in history and geography.

I am in the middle of a struggle in meeting new people. I am also in the middle of a struggle of maintaining communication with friends.

I am in the middle of a struggle in living in the College of Mass Communication instead of the College of Home Economics or the College of Education. I am in the middle of a struggle in what to feel about what I’m going through now.

I am in the middle of a struggle as a young adult. I am in the middle of a struggle called frustration.

The struggle is tough. The struggle is real. I guess I haven’t learned. I guess I’m not ready for college.

(If Only) I Knew You Were Trouble: Facebook

I’ve been a victim of feeling disappointed and discouraged over negative Facebook comments. But, I’m not the only one who goes through this. Feeling disappointed over social networking is actually a reason why other people don’t have social networking accounts. This is also why people unfriend their Facebook friends. This is why some people get the feeling that they are bullied. This is why others get depressed. Social networking is actually good, but bad contents can ruin it.

So before scrolling down on your news feed, take a while to read how other teenagers think about the negatives of social media.

 

So, what is social networking for? Aira says “it’s one way of communicating with my schoolmates since most (if not all) of them have accounts. Also, I have relatives who live abroad and it really does help in keeping in touch with them.” In deed, social networking is a form of communication, whether you’re communicating to the person beside you or to someone who is miles away. It’s also a venue to express oneself, since social networking could also be microblogging. Social networking is one of the countless ways to show the world that you exist.

Many of us post about our interests, experiences, and whatever is going on in our lives in social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, to name a few. Why do we post? Well, we want to share to the world what we’re going through. That is, if we want to share. I myself love sharing whatever is going on in my life to my friends and family here and abroad. So, I post stuff, but I filter them. I asked Aira if she does the same. She says that she doesn’t post as often as others (maybe like me) do. “I just don’t see the need to post every little detail of my day. I mean, if I went to an important event, vacation, or see something that’s related to my personal interest, I would post about them because it’s something special but that doesn’t happen often”, she says.

But hey, let’s face it: we all see comments and posts on the internet that hurt and offend us. Lucky for Aira, she hasn’t experienced getting negative comment, but she does know when she sees one. “If the post itself is something negative and offending, I don’t really mind the negativity it inevitably attracts. That person needs to be told off that he/she is wrong. But if the comment’s on a completely respectable post come from unreasonable hate, mindless jealousy and bitterness… It disturbs me. It frustrates me. But I don’t reply to them because I know that I’m just putting fuel to the fire if I give even the slightest reaction. Negative comments shouldn’t be given attention because that’s what they’re seeking.”

Roie has received negative comments on social networks. So, how does she react? “It depends. There are times that I feel annoyed pero hindi naman tumatagal. Tipong after a few minutes, okay na ako. There are times naman na sobrang naaapektuhan ako to the point na I have this urge to block that person.” (It depends. There are times that I feel annoyed, but that feeling doesn’t last. After a few minutes, I’m already okay. But there are times that I get so affected to the point that I have this urge to block that person). On her view of those who say those negative comments, Roie says “at first, hinahayaan ko lang. May kanya kanya naman tayong opinyon diba? Kaso nung lumala na, yung consistent na niyang ginagawa yun, napapa-iling nalang ako. Although dumating din yung time na medyo naawa ako kasi ganun yung pag-iisip/pag-uugali niya.” (At first, I let them be. We are entitled to our own opinion, right? But when it gets worse, when the comments are consistently offending, I get turned off by her. Although there comes a time when I feel bad for him/her because that is her way of thinking/attitude.)

Axl says “How do I deal with negative comments? Hmm… Paano nga ba? Ako kasi, tinatawanan ko lang eh. At least kung may negative comments man. Tinetake ko ‘to as good pa rin so that alam ko kung anong mala kaya sila may negative comment.” (How do I deal with negative comments? Hmm…how do I? Well, I just simply laugh at them. At least when there are negative comments. I still take them as good so that I know what’s wrong that’s why they have negative comments). Well, she is right. Sometimes what we write can offend others, too. So it’s best to review what we write.

I have received bad comments on Facebook, too. Those were not pleasant experiences. One was clearly offensive, and the other sounded rude. How did I deal with them? Well, I felt bad. Being the sensitive girl I am who isn’t 100% healed from depression, I took them hardly.I cried to my friends about it. There was even a point when I had to deactivate my social networking accounts just to make myself feel better. I also unfriended those who said those bad comments. I felt better after doing so. A few months after, the rude comment came. What did I do? I just told my friends about it. Releasing the feelings made me feel lighter without unfriending that person who wrote that bad comment. Even when I saw that person in school, there was only a little teeny tiny pang of hurt. I decided to let it pass by. Feeling good about negative comments is not easy, but I’ll get there.

As for those who are experiencing the same problem as mine, here are some tips from fellow users of social networking sites. Aira believes that ignoring those nasty comments will do you good, unless they cross the line. “Just ignore them. You shouldn’t waste your energy and your time on something as petty as negative comments. But if it is extremely offending and obscene, report it. A lot of social networking sites provide services for this kind of problems and you should take advantage of them.”

As for Roie, premature reactions based of pure feelings are not to be entertained at the beginning. “As much as possible, huwag muna masyadong magrereact. Yung iba kasi sinasagot agad. Kumbaga bugso ng damdamin ang nangingibabaw sakanila. May mga times din kasing indirect yung post/comment. May iba feeling nila para sa kanila yun kaya kadalasan sinasagot nila yung taong yun o hindi kaya binoblock agad. Hindi muna nila iniisip yung possible reasons kung bakit nasabi/napost yon. Kung direct post naman lalo na kung kilala mo yung taong yon, pwede mo siyang i-confront nalang privately. Either, in person  kayo mag-usap o kaya tawagan mo.” (As much as possible, don’t react too much right away. Some people just reply right away. It’s like their feelings are the ones who control them. There are also times when a post or comment is indirect. There are others who think that the post was meant for them, so they reply right away or they block the person. They don’t think of the possible reasons why the said post/comment was posted. If it is a direst post, you can confront the person privately, especially if you know the person. One can do it either in person or through phone).

Axl advises to not take those comments seriously because people naturally say negative things about others. “Advice ko lang, ‘wag nilang masyadong dibdibin kung ano man ang sasabihin ng tao. Alam naman natin na kahit anong gawin natin, hindi natin maiiwasan na may masabing negative ang mga tao. Instead na masamain natin, intindihin na lang natin sila and take it as positive comments pa din so that next time di na natin gawin ung ayaw nila.” (My advise is that you shouldn’t take whatever people say to heart. We all know that no matter what we do, we are unsure if people would say bad things about it. Instead of taking them negatively, let’s just understand those people and take those comments constructively and positively so that next time, we won’t do what they don’t like.) I understand her point, but I think that just because other people don’t like it, we shouldn’t do certain things already. I believe that we should just be ourselves, but be cautious.

Sofia puts things simple and straight to the point. “Ignore them or prove them wrong.”

Alie takes things in a biblical context. “Take every thought captive. [Read] Philippians 4:8. Focus lang sa mga bagay na nandun sa verse na yun. Pag di aligned dun, do not take them in to your system. Mahirap gawin. Ako nga kailangan ko pang i-remind ang sarili ko to do it.” (Take every thought captive. [Read} Philippians 4:8. Focus on those written in that verse. If your thoughts are not in line with the verse, do not take them in to your system. It’s difficult to do. I even have to remind myself to do it).

Philippians 4:8New International Version (NIV): Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

As for me, talk to your best friend about what you feel (much emphasis on what you FEEL). Ask people for comfort and reassurance. But, one should learn how to stand on her own feet in the end. Letting things out makes people good (just not violently).

The bottom line is, social networking is actually good, but bad contents can ruin it. Social networking is a good invention, for it can connect us to anyone and everyone. But, we should be reminded that social networking can be bad, too. Relationships and moods can get destroyed just because of a single comment or post. There are many ways to deal with these comments. If one does not want to get bothered by that person anymore, nothing is wrong with blocking or unfriending. But if one does not want to pursue that, just take things light and think happy thoughts. You can even talk to that person who posted something not so good about what happened, or just talk to someone about it.

But one should always remember that things will turn out to be alright eventually.

Social networking is on the internet. Whether you delete something from the internet or not, it stays in the minds of everyone who saw it forever. To end, I’d like to quote GMA News on their view on social networking. “Think before you click”.

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Special thanks to my girls Axl Esguerra, Aira Leung, Roie Moralde, Sofia Nacpil and Alie Tumbaga for letting me interview them for this post.

A Movie House Full Of Gangster Lovers And A Mall Full Of Eyes

I took a leap of faith and decided to watch “She’s Dating The Gangster” last night. A “typical” student (or alumna) of my high school would not watch the said movie because it’s so jologs (click here for the definition of jologs). It’s not that I’m underestimating the Filipino audience and their taste in entertainment. It’s just that there are girls in my high school who are too sosyal (click here for the definition of sosyal) and are ashamed to be jologs, there are some who don’t patronize Filipino entertainment, and there are those who think that the KathNiel love team is so overrated. I’m not a KathNiel fan (but I do dream of of Daniel Padilla once in a while), and I think that the quality of Philippine cinema is not at its best, but I do have to say that I’m not sosyal, and I enjoyed watching “She’s Dating The Gangster”.

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I read a movie review on Rappler about the said movie (don’t be confused with the book), and it wasn’t a bad review. So I went for the movie, and I cried a bucket.

She’s Dating The Gangster does not only talk about romantic love, but it also talks about familial love, sacrifice, and timing: a few (or maybe all) of the the things that changed the lives of Kenji, Athena, (Athena) Abigail, Kenneth and Kelay. The great love of Athena and Kenji shared was undeniably short, sweet and sincere. Their love was true and full of hope. It was really unfortunate that it had to end, but hopefully Kenneth and Kelay can continue the broken but great love the older lovers had. Bianca Bernardino did a nice job in creating this story (though I haven’t read the book, but I assume it’s nice, too), and Cathy Garcia-Molina did a good job turning the book into a touching movie. Though the story wasn’t really great (the plot wasn’t so special and the characters didn’t really change; it wasn’t complex, but it exceeded the low expectation I had for it), the love of Kenji and Athena (and/or the KathNiel love team) brought the film to its success.

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Though I cried a lot, my mood kept on getting disturbed by screaming and squealing fans all over the cinema. I mean, sure Daniel Padilla is undeniably handsome, and his team up with Kathryn Bernardo is truly phenomenal, but please, respect the other viewers! Also, I went to the mall in a wheelchair (since I underwent a knee surgery and I’m not mobile), and people kept on looking at me with weirded out eyes as if something was seriously wrong with me. Filipinos still have to work on their sensitivity for sure. People have grown to be indifferent to the needs and feelings of others. Oh well, at least the mall staff did their job.

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The Filipino people need to improve on a lot of things, whether it’s in what they produce or how they treat others. It’s the only way to improve the situation in the country. Too bad, when we’re told to improve, we take it destructively (but it also depends on how they say it). We should stop being so insensitively sensitive, face whatever comment we have in our face, and make our selves better.